Oakland wasn't born yet when we had Mac, she was 2 1/2 when we had Quincy, and 3 1/2 when we got Camden. For a long time she was really confused about pregnancies, babies, adoption, why some got to stay and others didn't. I remember having multiple conversations where we would cry together. She would ask every pregnant women if their baby was going to heaven with Mac. Then she would randomly tell strangers that two of her brothers were dead, most of whom would look at me with big questioning eyes. She had conversations with women, asking if they were going to give us their baby. I'm sure people wondered what I was teaching her. I wondered if it was the right thing to be teaching her about.
But then I realized something... Mac plays a huge role in our family so we talk about him a lot, we visit Mac's park, we know other families who have lost babies. She was present when I had my AFE, she watched Josh perform CPR on me, she understood that Quincy passed away like Mac. She suffered the failed adoption with us, she thought she had a sister, she held her and loved her. Then Oak witnessed the miracle of adoption. She sees my scars and knows that "Mom's tummy is broken", she wonders when we will "get" another baby. I blame myself that she had to grow up way too fast.
And then that realization makes me realize something else... She has portions of the gospel of Jesus Christ rooted in her. Her relationship with our Heavenly Father at this age is amazing. She believes she will be with her Brothers again and asks me all the time when Jesus will come again so she can be with them. She has learned a lot about agency and that everyone gets to make choices of their own and sometimes it effects others. She got to enter in the temple with us when we were sealed to Camden and I love that she got to feel such a strong confirming spirit at her age. She is learning to stay strong and positive in the face of trials. Her ability to know when I am having a hard day is inspiring but even more so is her constant want to serve those who are suffering. She listened to all four sessions of Conference this weekend because she wanted to know what the Prophet needed her to do so that she can see her Brothers and be with us forever.
The other night she said the prayer for our family and the first words out of her mouth were, "Please bless Mom to always be healthy and not miss Mac and Quincy so much". Later she told me how much she missed them. We went to a pumpkin patch and she said that she wished more than anything that Mac could be there with her. And it dawned on me, she has learned to pray for others. While she misses them and wants to have them here, she also knows that I do and asked our Heavenly Father to bless ME!
I talk about her spunk and confidence often, she is loud and playful, she helps around the house, but more than that...she SHINES! This girl is going to accomplish amazing things in her life and I hope she touches many as she does so...she already has inspired me.
She is simply amazing. You couldn't have taught her better. She will be a strong force for good in this world. Just like you!
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