Josh. Cali. McKallister. Oakland. Quincy. Camden. Murphy.


Saturday, January 3, 2015

The first time I saw this shirt on Tahnie's Instagram account, I literally cried.

It was everything I had been trying to sum up about my life the last 2 years. Even before that actually, the last 6 years. After losing Mac it hit me how quickly you can lose life. Lose the day you think you have tomorrow. That every day you are here, living a life with your family and friends is a miracle. Blood clots proved to me that no one is exempt from medical issues, unexpected illnesses or diseases. Health is a miracle. Life is so precious and can be cut so short. That lesson was engrained in my very soul when I lost Quincy and should have lost my own life. And how do you recover from so much loss? How do you recover from knowing that you should have died?

After the holiday's I always feel like I have to re-find myself. I miss the kids, I question if I am fulfilling this second chance at the life that I have been given, am I doing everything I can with the knowledge and love I've felt from my Heavenly Father?  I once heard that it's easier to keep yourself together then to build yourself back up if you lose it. This is very true for me. I have lost myself many times over the years; sobbed, wondered how I would get through it, wanted to have pity on myself. And those are not only some of the darkest times I can remember but it was incredibly hard to get out of that funk.

But when I remember that every person in my life may not be there the next? I may not be here tomorrow? Those days are valued very high. I know it's a privilege that I can not take advantage of. Today is a miracle. Tomorrow should be considered unexpected. And every day you live should be an amazing event.

I have lived miracles. Miracles in child birth, in modern medicine. Miracles with adoption and unexplained events in the medical world. And this one phrase, Today is a miracle is what will carry me through 2015. I want to always remember Mac and Quincy, the good that they have taught me. I will always miss them but I want to miss them with a smile on my face because of what I have accomplished since they were introduced in my life. I need to remember that miracles happen, every day. I get discouraged when wondering if adoption will happen again for us but then I think of everything that took place to get Camden here and I know... a miracle.

My kids are miracles. My own life is a miracle. Today is a miracle...

Tahnie's insights below created the shirt that is now my very favorite piece of clothing and my 2015...
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