Josh. Cali. McKallister. Oakland. Quincy. Camden. Murphy.

Everyday angels on earth...

Sunday, September 28, 2014

September 3 I met some very important angels on earth, the rest of my set. These 5 people started off the miracle that saved my life. And those two lil babes have kept me going after...

After the story regarding my Amniotic Fluid Embolism was published in the AirRescue Magazine, Amanda and Windi wanted to make sure the 911 dispatchers received a copy because they were such a huge part of it. They decided to meet up with them and then show them the presentation that My Girls have given at the AMTC for the last two years and we were invited!

Last year, I listened to the 911 call Josh made to the dispatchers. I have lost 5 days of memory during that time so this was the first thing that made it real for me. My heart felt like it was going to burst open when I heard Josh pleadingly say my name. It was torn when I heard Oakland crying in the background. I was hurt and confused when I heard myself making a prolonged, low, inarticulate sound that could only be from intense physical suffering. But more than that, I was in awe of how Josh held his composure together. How he thanked the operator multiple times throughout the call. How she kept him calm, distracted but focused, and guided him through CPR.
Amanda and Windi, (above) and whom I refer to as My Girls most the time, were the ladies that life flighted me to the hospital. They got up and thanked everyone in the room. Sheriffs, officers, 911 operators, my pilot, etc. and pointed out Courtney. As I turned to see who she was, my eyes filled with tears and it felt like my heart was going to jump right out of my mouth. I couldn't focus so turned back around to try and compose myself. Then I turned to see her again, and when she looked at me, all I could do was mouth, "Thank you." How can you properly thank someone for such an impactful moment in your life? All day, everyday, she is painting a picture for those first responders arriving at scenes all over Tooele. She is listening to horrific calls, sometimes not knowing the outcome, and she is doing all this to help others. Or in my case, start the process of saving a life.

After the presentation, they played the 911 tape again. Josh and my Mom won't/can't listen to it so took the kids out of the room. And a typical example of my relationship with Windi took place. Her protecting me. Sitting and comforting me while I listened to the call again. This picture captures the way I view our relationship so wonderfully...perhaps I will have it framed. :)

Now, what none of us expected was the news and media to be there! Some of these pictures are blurry but I had to add them still because of how crazy that day was. The emotions were running high, we were trying to keep ourselves composed, all while talking about how amazing each other were/are.

As a side note, I really loved this camera man, Winston. He was rad.
Then my family was able to tour where the magic happens, Courtney walked us through an example call. The system they have is amazing. It gives them questions to ask, which moves them to the next question, which prompts them to say or start something else. When trying to determine if my breathing was normal, it gave her the power to enter in each breath I take to the system to help her. I never knew that so much took place in those calls.
The camera man pictured above (I don't remember his name!) talked to me after for a minute and told me, "I listen to a lot of 911 calls for my job and meet a lot of families, but not all of them have the same effect that today has brought on me. It took a lot for me to keep my emotions in check while listening to your call, Josh and Courtney are amazing."
I agree, Josh and Courtney are amazing. Yvonne is amazing. Windi and Amanda are amazing. My Dr's and Nurses are amazing. My family is amazing. My friends are amazing. My life is amazing.

And of course, I have to thank my Mom who drove to Tooele to meet these fabulous people, only to keep Camden happy, watch Oakland and take pictures for me. She's kind of like Superwomen.

Pregnancy and child birth is the most common miracle…

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Growing up I had this dream of how my life would play out. I would marry the love of my life young, we would immediately start having kids and I’d be a stay at home Mom. We’d live in a big house with a huge porch and a white picket fence. And of course, I would have at least 10 kids by the time I was 30.

Now some of this came true, I was married by age 19 to the man that fits perfectly in my dreams. We got pregnant 7 months after we were hitched, so were well on our way to having our own football team of kids. Obviously we are still not in that huge house, I don’t even have a porch but all of that seems to be an obtainable goal in the future. What no one ever prepares a girl for is this…
You cannot get pregnant.

I did not realize the enormous extent of this statement. I knew people that adopted, I knew couples that “waited” until they were older to have children, and I know some that have never had children. But do you realize how often this is the case?! When I first found out that I would never be able to have kids again, it was a footnote to the rest of what I was living through at the time. As those things have passed, I am more aware of the want I have to become pregnant again. But that is where I am lucky. I can say "again". I know so many that have never been able to experience this thing called pregnancy. And the weight that I carry in my heart is multiplied by 10 for those ladies that I love so much.
I have never experienced a "normal" pregnancy. My first was stillborn. I got blood clots after my second. I survived an AFE with my third, and lost him. And now I am 27 and have had a hysterectomy since the age of 24. I feel like there is so much that I could feel sorry for myself about. But then I remember, I had the privilege of announcing to my family 3 pregnancies and 3 genders. I can describe what it feels like to have a baby kick inside of me. And I can testify to the miracle of growing a child.
And that is just what it is... pregnancy is the most common miracle. You see it every day. Some of us live it multiple times. But of the 7 kids on Josh's side of the family, 3 of us have biological kids, 3 of us have adopted, 4 of us have never been pregnant and 4 have struggled with infertility issues. It gets easy to ask "why" and say "if only" but I want to testify that I know God does not make mistakes and will always be with us.
In every trial and difficult moment that I faced came the real test, my ability to endure. I love the quote by President Thomas S Monson regarding this, "...A fundamental question remains to be answered by each of us: Shall I falter or shall I finish?" I have to ask myself this question almost every single day. And the conclusion that I come to most days? God knows I am tough enough. The separation from my children is temporary, the sealing power has made that possible and is the knowledge that sustains me. And if I remain consistent in being prayerful, full of patience, diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times, faithful, and have hope and charity- He will bless me. He will rejoice with me. And He will never abandon me.
So for those of you that have biological kids, for those of you who have had the opportunity to get pregnant or still have that- do not take one minute of that for granted. Listen to our Heavenly Father regarding your family and trust what he tells you. And those of us who can not have kids?... same advise. Listen to our Heavenly Father. For those of you suffering a loss, illness, adversity, just hard times, I'll leave you with this...
Dark times and trials are important. Trials show us the beauty of God's comfort. It's through the comfort we receive from God during our difficult times that we learn how to comfort others. Sometimes the process of growing closer to our Heavenly Father comes along the path of heartache and pain.
Allow Him to direct your lives.

Why do the hardest days seem to last the longest? And the difficult weeks never end?

Friday, September 5, 2014

The past 2 weeks my emotions have been literally thrown all over the scale...

Panic. Helplessness. I watched a dear friend go through the devastation of losing her baby at 16 weeks gestation. A little boy, named Sky. When I first found out, I could still hear the echoes from the days I lost both of mine. It was overwhelming to want to help her so intensely but know she may want the space. I wanted to hold her and sob but then I needed to show strength. I know that you don't ever recover, you just survive so my heart was breaking for her. I wanted to take it all away. I didn't want her to suffer, or have to feel the want of a baby. There is still so much I want to tell her, mostly about my testimony. Our Heavenly Father knows that we are touch enough. And that little boy is lucky to have her as his Mom because she is exceptional.

Anxious. Then Oakland started preschool. I have to admit that I rely way too much on her 4 year old self. She has pulled me through my hardest days and given me the comforting words I've needed when I have been down. She has allowed me to cry on her shoulder while assuring me that everything would be ok. It is hard for me to let her go for those 7 1/2 hours a week because she is my best little friend and my emotional stability. Can I get through those hours without her?

Sad. Another dear friends, friend lost her 15 month old daughter. I don't know them personally but ache for them. I want to donate all the money in the world to help with medical and funeral costs to help ease the stress, however, know that will not free them from the pain in the hearts. #bubblesforellie

Excited. Grateful. I met the dispatchers that took part in saving my life. Have you ever had someone actually be the reason you are alive today? It is an overpowering feeling. And I had almost every single one in the same room as me this past week. Josh, who was home, called 911 and did CPR. Courtney, who walked Josh through CPR, ensuring the lack of neurological damage I have today. Yvonne, who immediately requested air support, guaranteeing my Girls the time they needed to get me the appropriate medical help. Amanda, who's quick decision to intubate me secured my quick transport to the hospital and again kept my brain in tact. Windi, who used her knowledge to suggest an AFE and then save me emotionally, to this day. This week, I will write a detailed post about that day, but it was beyond anything you could imagine. And very emotional.

Scared. Another friend has been holding her breath the past 15 weeks about her pregnancy. My mind has been going crazy with fear until this past week where she learned that her 1 in 4 chance of losing her baby was leaning towards the happy outcome. She has already lost two little ones that hold a very special place in my heart because of what their Mama has taught me and the friendship we sparked because of them.

Happy. Every moment was worth it because I have people who genuinely care about me and who I would do anything for. I know we will be with our families again. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and will always be there during my hard times. I know that no matter the emotional roller coaster we are on, our Savior understands and will help us through it. Helen Keller once said, "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming it." These weeks have proven that to me- there are some strong families and women in our midst.

site design by designer blogs