Josh. Cali. McKallister. Oakland. Quincy. Camden. Murphy.

God blessed the broken road...

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Sunday morning was a dream. I sat at the table, listening to Oakland and Cam giggling at each other while Josh made breakfast...In the background Rascal Flatts was singing "Bless the Broken Road..." I was in awe as I realized how God led me to each of my children through a very broken road, in my eyes. There have been many moments when Josh and I have reflected back on situations dealt to us and realized that without everything that happened, we would not have each of our children. How can I not be grateful for that?

This time of year is always bittersweet for me. Maybe the magic of the season brings me closer to the spirit, which in turn makes me feel closer to my two angel babies? It might be watching the other two enjoy the enchantment of it all that makes me yearn to see those babes I miss so much? I always feel that emptiness and wonder how I can honor them each holiday. I have a longing to show them how much I love them. All that magic and enchantment is always marked by elements of sadness.

But then days like Sunday happen and I realize, I can't do this but I'm doing it anyway. I am legitimately content. There are hard times and moments when I cry huge mommy tears for the losses I have suffered. But my eyes have been opened to the good things in life that I probably would not have paid attention to before. Mac and Quincy would want me to be happy and love life, regardless of their death. My Heavenly Father has blessed my life, every road I have taken, the detours, the rocky roads, directed me which fork to take, and helped me climb every hill.

So I am going to face their absence this season with; smiling when Cam throws ornaments like baseballs, hide that stinkin elf on the shelf, sing Christmas carols at the top of my lungs, eat all the yummy treats that make it into my house, smile as much as humanly possible, spread some Christmas cheer, maybe even build a snowman with the kids (despite my "love" for snow)... And all of you? Give your kids a big hug for me on Christmas, I am really missing mine. And please be safe (if and when it actually snows!!)

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