This post is a little long, so if you are feeling A.D.D.ish feel free to just look at the pictures! :)

So I've been meaning to post about this since Christmas, however, I really wanted it to be in the ground before I showed pictures of it! We celebrated Christmas Eve with the Hinckley's and I'm going to admit- it was a hard day!! All I could think about was not having a kid to open presents with...it was pretty brutal. But if any of you know any of the Hinckley's they all have a different way of cheering you up. It's amazing. To add on to that, my Family randomly showed up to join in the festivities! yah!!


Well Santa came and I was so glad that Mike and Erin let Bryson sit on my lap. I know that he's not MY kid but it was nice to have A kid to hold while santa came in. I hope they don't mind because I'm sure that is something every Mom wants to do but it meant more than I can even express that they let me do that. When Santa was done with all of the little kids he said that he had one more present and asked Josh to come up. All I heard was, "we are short one this year aren't we", and I was in tears. They remembered Mac as one of the Grandkids! This is what was inside of McKallister's present...

 

It's a temporary headstone!!!! Josh and I have picked out the one that we wanted but have been having a real struggle because Josh wants something there, but I want to wait for Mac's Birthday to put in the real one so this was perfect! I can not thank Santa enough for the thought that went behind this. I can not even express how selfless the members of Josh's family are- to think of us during the crazy holiday season. I've been sitting here for the last 10 minutes trying to word how I feel but there are not words. I LOVE my FAMILY!!

The day went on and there was yet another surprise. Rachel had made a dvd for Josh, Mac, and I to have for Christmas. It was pictures of the temple with recordings of our family throughout expressing their feelings to us. I can not tell you the spirit that was felt in that room as I listened to every member of my family say a little something. The entire time all I could think was, "Dang Mac, you are one lucky kid to have a family like this. How did we end up with such special people in our life".

On Christmas day I thought the tears were over...haha I had you fooled too huh? :) My Brother Colby, Dad, and Sister Taylor had made a disk of them singing a version of "I am a Child of God", but the words go along with a child that is already in Heaven who is now waiting for His family. I've been trying to figure out how to put it on Mac's blog so that everyone can listen- when it's up I'll let ya know. My big brother had then found talks/quotes of prophets and apostles saying something about those who have already passed away and placed that throughout the song. It was amazing!! My family is very talented when it comes to music and I realized then that is the best way for my Brother to help me. We have never had a sit down about everything that happened but he knew just what I needed. It was perfect.

My cute little mother then put a story in Mac's stocking. (Her and I are a lot in common and are excluded in the music talent so she found another way to make my Christmas great! :)) She had written a story about Mac's first Christmas with his friends Maverick (who is buried next to Mac up at his grave) and Jesus. It was a childrens book and she did fantastic!! My Mom is totally kid geared and I think she had my future kids in mind when writing this. It is for sure one that I will keep around and Love her so much for being able to put her feelings down on paper in that way.
On Christmas day and the day after it snowed like crazy up at Mac's grave and when we had gone up there earlier the snow was up to my knees so we didn't think there was any way we would get to it for a couple of days. Boy were we wrong....

Josh's sister, Taylor, and her Husband, Abbel, had cleared a path from the road to McKallister's grave!!!! Holy cow there is no way anyone could not find his grave! I am not a huge snow person so wanted this done more than ever but honestly probably wouldn't have convinced myself to do it until after the snow melted! :) These two are the greatest! In one day, the knew there was snow, they trecked up there, and cleared it out. How much greater does my family keep getting? This may not seem like a big deal to some, but to me- it was the greatest act of service and love ever!

I never realized that you probably didn't know that this marker in the picture below is a little bit larger than the size of a sticky note. A dirty, not readable, sad, sticky note...so out with the OLD

And in with the new!!! Yah!!

 

 

 

Merry Christmas...From the Hinckleys.
Josh, Cali, and Baby Mac

Original post by Me

6 Months Old

Mac would be 6 months old today!....My sister-in-law, Erin, made a comment that she could not believe he would be that old already and asked me if it got any easier. I thought I would share my thoughts with everyone on that because I'm sure it varies for everyone that goes through losing a loved one.

I still think about McKallister every day but not any less or more than I did before. He's still always in the back of my mind and every little thing reminds me of him. I still think about what life would be like if he were here but never wish to change what happened. I still have days that I cry so hard that I wonder if I'll ever stop. I still think about that day as if it were yesterday. I still hurt inside and my heart aches. I still miss Mac and Love him more than ever!

I don't think it's any easier than it was 6 months ago, but I've learned more than could ever have been imagined with this situation. I've learned that my Family has not forgotten Mac and that he is counted in the Grandkid, cousin, and nephew count. I've learned that when I am doing what is right I feel comforted and the more I pray about the whys and what ifs, the hurts and fears, the sorrow and loneliness, the more I feel them turn in to trust that this happened for a reason. I have found that when I rely on my Family members and friends and talk to them about my feelings or thoughts- it helps them not build up inside. I think that it will always be hard and always hurt, but I'm hoping that we are able to teach our future kids all that we have learned from Mac and that it will bring us all closer together.

Happy 6 months Birthday my baby Mac!!

Weekend Fun

We went up to Mac's grave to take down the Thanksgiving decorations and put some up for Christmas!!

 

 

This is my family, Kierra and Colby, Dad and Mom, Alex, Mac and I- Josh is behind the camera.

 

That night we got the opportunity to attend a candle light vigil in memory of those who have lost children. We will for sure have to let everyone know about it ahead of time next year because it was a really awesome experience (sorry to all of those that I told too late, that was my bad and I promise to keep everyone updated further in the future from now on). My Mom, Grandma and Grandpa Maughan, Josh and I went up to it and I was amazed how many people attended. It was really important to me to see how many people are in the same boat as us and be able to hear the speakers talk about our losses.

I was really excited because we got to hear from Julie Williams. For those of you who don't know her- she's one of the people that I am the most grateful for in my life. She came to the hospital and donated her time and talents to take pictures of our family and McKallister. She did an amazing job and provided me with the most memorable and sacred pictures of my son. I will forever be thankful for her and absolutely adore her!!! She did a great job and it really made my night!

 

 

 

Original post by Me