I feel as though I have a unique perspective because of the challenges I have faced during my child bearing years. I am not here to change the way you think or what you believe in, I simply want to share my experiences and maybe offer some perspective. Those I have both lived through and some I have witnessed second hand.
My husband and I lost our first son due to an umbilical cord accident at 40 weeks gestation. I never looked into his eyes or heard him cry...and yet I have moments during my pregnancy and those hours we spent with his little body after his birth, that will always enforce my belief that he was very much alive and a part of my world before he passed away. He was his own person. I know him. On a level that every Mom knows their kid. Those hours in the hospital room were sacred, leaving everyone who visited with a special spirit or light that would not have made sense if he was merely a fetus.
During the pregnancy of our third child and because of complications during my second pregnancy and losing our first son, I had dozens of ultrasounds, fetal heartbeat monitoring and appointments. Again, I knew this little boy just as well as the 3 year old daughter I was raising. His quirks, when he would be awake and moving like crazy. The positions he liked to sit in. At 21 weeks gestation I suffered an Amniotic Fluid Embolism. In short, this occurs when the amniotic fluid enters the mother's bloodstream. Once it reaches the heart, infection takes effect and you go into cardiac arrest. Survival rates are minimal and I am lucky to have gotten past this first symptom. I emphasize this for the results that happened next. Because this opening or break had already occurred, amniotic fluid would continue to be pumped throughout my circulatory system leaving me little to no chance of surviving it reaching my heart yet a second time at any moment. This meant our baby had 0% chance of surviving and my changes were dwindling fast. There was NO chance to save him. So to rescue me, I had a D&E.
Dilation and Evacuation is a method of abortion. In my case it WAS a life saving measure. Would I have chosen that method if there was a 0.5% chance of saving my son? No. Would I have sacrificed myself if there was even the smallest hope it would save him? Yes. Does this fact haunt me daily? Very much yes. I live with constant wonder, hurt and pain. There are days that are debilitating. Times where I am kind of messed up thinking about those moments. And it has been almost 7 years. Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice the idea of abortion should fracture your soul. These babies are just that- babies. And if we continue to become a culture that desensitizing the tragedy of losing a baby, I fear what we will become.
Now I know, I expected this baby. Yearned for him and wanted every ounce of him. Some are placed in situations where the pregnancy was unplanned, not expected or even very frightening. Many are saying "it's the woman's body, she should have the right to choose". But I beg you to obtain every fact, follow every feeling, and gain as much perspective as you can before choosing a path that could end this child's life. We will never know what another woman is going through and I will never judge a decision that is made in extenuating circumstances. However, abortions are not made up of extenuating circumstances. Some stats show that 19% of U.S. pregnancies (excluding spontaneous miscarriages) ended in abortion. And within that, and based off of studies from 2004 from 9 different abortion clinics across the country, <0.5% were due to rape while 23% was because they could not afford the baby and 25% were not ready for a child. These stats may be as simple as frightful ignorance.
Since the loss of my two sons and birth of my Daughter, we have adopted 2 boys. Both Birth Moms fell into the above mentioned 48%. Right now only 1% of unplanned pregnancies are opting to place for adoption. And for every 36 couples waiting, one child is adopted. I love going to high schools for the Utah Adoption Counsel to teach teens about adoption. It's fascinating and heartbreaking how little they know about this option.
During this day we are all about supporting other women and standing up for the every girl. So let's stand together when someone we know faces an unplanned pregnancy. Let's help them through the trails of a teen pregnancy. Band together when one of us is not prepared to be a Mom. And help create another family in the process.
I won't tell you the road through grief, placing a child for adoption, pregnancy, pregnancy with complications or a young pregnancy will be easy. Those that I have experienced have been an exhausting journey- both physically and emotionally. But I can tell you that you will come out stronger. Better. Both of my Son's Birth Moms are the most courageous women I have ever met. These two are hero's in our home. Without their bravery to choose life, I would not have these two boys I love dearly. These ladies showed a deeper tenderness towards my family than I have ever experienced. I have met Birth Moms who were 14 when they placed. One who was raped while at a party. Some are 36 and others are heavily addicted to drugs. But they all have one thing in common...their hearts know no bounds.
