Pregnancy and child birth is the most common miracle…

Growing up I had this dream of how my life would play out. I would marry the love of my life young, we would immediately start having kids and I’d be a stay at home Mom. We’d live in a big house with a huge porch and a white picket fence. And of course, I would have at least 10 kids by the time I was 30.

Now some of this came true, I was married by age 19 to the man that fits perfectly in my dreams. We got pregnant 7 months after we were hitched, so were well on our way to having our own football team of kids. Obviously we are still not in that huge house, I don’t even have a porch but all of that seems to be an obtainable goal in the future. What no one ever prepares a girl for is this…

You cannot get pregnant.

I did not realize the enormous extent of this statement. I knew people that adopted, I knew couples that “waited” until they were older to have children, and I know some that have never had children. But do you realize how often this is the case?! When I first found out that I would never be able to have kids again, it was a footnote to the rest of what I was living through at the time. As those things have passed, I am more aware of the want I have to become pregnant again. But that is where I am lucky. I can say "again". I know so many that have never been able to experience this thing called pregnancy. And the weight that I carry in my heart is multiplied by 10 for those ladies that I love so much.

I have never experienced a "normal" pregnancy. My first was stillborn. I got blood clots after my second. I survived an AFE with my third, and lost him. And now I am 27 and have had a hysterectomy since the age of 24. I feel like there is so much that I could feel sorry for myself about. But then I remember, I had the privilege of announcing to my family 3 pregnancies and 3 genders. I can describe what it feels like to have a baby kick inside of me. And I can testify to the miracle of growing a child.

And that is just what it is... pregnancy is the most common miracle. You see it every day. Some of us live it multiple times. But of the 7 kids on Josh's side of the family, 3 of us have biological kids, 3 of us have adopted, 4 of us have never been pregnant and 4 have struggled with infertility issues. It gets easy to ask "why" and say "if only" but I want to testify that I know God does not make mistakes and will always be with us.

In every trial and difficult moment that I faced came the real test, my ability to endure. I love the quote by President Thomas S Monson regarding this, "...A fundamental question remains to be answered by each of us: Shall I falter or shall I finish?" I have to ask myself this question almost every single day. And the conclusion that I come to most days? God knows I am tough enough. The separation from my children is temporary, the sealing power has made that possible and is the knowledge that sustains me. And if I remain consistent in being prayerful, full of patience, diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times, faithful, and have hope and charity- He will bless me. He will rejoice with me. And He will never abandon me.

So for those of you that have biological kids, for those of you who have had the opportunity to get pregnant or still have that- do not take one minute of that for granted. Listen to our Heavenly Father regarding your family and trust what he tells you. And those of us who can not have kids?... same advise. Listen to our Heavenly Father. For those of you suffering a loss, illness, adversity, just hard times, I'll leave you with this...

Dark times and trials are important. Trials show us the beauty of God's comfort. It's through the comfort we receive from God during our difficult times that we learn how to comfort others. Sometimes the process of growing closer to our Heavenly Father comes along the path of heartache and pain.

Allow Him to direct your lives.